Conspiracy theory

The older I get the more I believe in conspiracy theories.

When I was young I tried to use logic to understand things. My world was growing and I used facts to put pieces of life together. I chased grasshoppers so I could catch them. I caught them and observed them. I pulled them apart to see how they worked and then was sad when I couldn't put them back together.

Conspiracy theories didn't gell with me back then. 2 gunmen? A fake moon landing? WMD's?

That's all changed recently.

They say girls are looking for a nice guy with a good sense of humor. Who are "they"? because THEY lied.

I'm nice. I volunteer for stuff. I smile first and hold open doors for people and NOT just the hot ones.
I'm funny as hell! I spend the majority of my life trying to make people smile. I'm a refreshing burst of sunshine dammit!

Nice: CHECK
Funny: CHECK

I've even lost 30-40 lbs over this past year to be able to get the ones who look for looks.

What lack I yet?

What am I missing?

I'm 30 years old and I'm surrounded by cute girls everywhere I look. WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?!?! There MUST be a conspiracy to keep me single!

Who could be in on it? My mom? No, she wants me out of the basement. My friends? Maybe. Oprah? We've never met and I'm convinced she'd love me. Silent letters? They've been my arch enemy since I was first trying to learn to spell.

I'm not sure who or what is causing me to be single but I know this: Today I asked out 6 girls and got 6 no's and it's now 9:06 on a Friday night and I'm home alone blogging.

Scoreboard:
Life 1
Skippy 0