Friday, September 12, 2008

HOW TO GET A SKIPPY SHIRT

Some of you may have heard or seen the Skippy Shirt. Many are curious about this and rightly so.

There are two EASY ways to get a Skippy Shirt.

1. Be a celebrity. C-list or higher guarentees you a Skippy Shirt. **If you have to ask if you qualify most likely you don't but ask anyways.

2. Be a CUTE single girl and go on a legitimate first date with me.

No attraction on some level... no date. (You don't have to be a supermodel but I can get girls I'm NOT attracted to to go on dtes with me... this is to get girls I AM attracted to)
Also if we do or did go out and have not discussed the shirt then you MAY NOT return later to get a shirt retroactively. You got the date. You're welcome.

*******************NOTE**************

A legitimate first date means you don't have a missionary, a boy friend, a "kind-of" boy friend, a husband (unless you're famous), a regular make-out buddy who you might end up with but he'd LET you go out with me OR in general a guy who you're hoping likes you back enough to ditch me for before we get to date 2. ........................ In short a girl who gets a Skippy Shirt should be available so if the date goes well, it would naturally lead to a second date.

ALSO If we do go out, I reserve the right to not give you the shirt. Here are some examples of how to not get one.

-If you don't talk to me most of the date... don't be surprised to find out you're not getting a shirt.

-If you talk non stop about ex-boyfriends, illnesses, yourself (unless I ask a bunch), how much you hate Mormon guys over 25, your friends who I don't know, or people you hate (unless I hate them too)... these things scare off Skippy Shirts.

-If you bring a pet on the date (for instance a rat ((true story))!!!),,, the shirt stays with me.
-If you come with me but leave with friends or another guy (again it happened)... you may not come get the shirt later.


*********HOW TO GET A SHIRT IF YOU ARE NOT A CELEB OR A CUTE SINGLE GIRL WILLING TO GO OUT WITH ME**********

It's called the REFER-A-FRIEND program:

It's simple! Just FIND a friend who meets the criteria above, SET US UP on the date, and if it GOES WELL then you get the shirt.

*Setting me up with a crazy single girl doesn't count.

*Introducng me to a celeb friend I couldn't meet without your help... DOES COUNT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*IF THE DATE GOES WELL AND WE GO OUT AGAIN SHE GETS A SHIRT AT THE END OF THE SECOND DATE (but not til then)*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

************BONUS***************

If you introduce me to the girl I marry then you get EITHER:

A. A brand new washer
OR
B. A gallon of milk a month for 25 years. This came up when I was driving tour busses in Alaska... A little old lady asked what happens if I (meaning the lil old lady) die before the 25 years is up on the free milk. Good question.

If you do set me up with the girl I eventually marry. And if you choose the gallon of milk a month for 25 years option BUT you die before the 25 years is up... YOU MUST WRITE IT IN YOUR WILL who you are leaving the remaining milk to. If you do this I will honor it. If you don't do this you forfeit the remainder of the milk.

***********FINALLY*********

There is a shirt out there for the girl who wants to make out with me and get the shirt. They are in LIMITED SUPPLY and they say "I made out with Skippy for 3 mins and all I got was this lousy shirt"

There it is.

Leave a comment or suggestions. Contact me to get involved in this.

--Skippy--

2 comments:

Jack (h2oetry) said...

Wow. I had no idea about the milk. This is something that might be worth it.

Also, I would like to take the liberty to name this set of rules. Feel free to use the name, as long as you give me(Jack Waters - may or may not deserve a shirt) credit.

I think it should be called

The ConSKIPtution

Something to think about.

Holli said...

Can I have a shirt just becuase I am so awesome